If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
