Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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