A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
