NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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