she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
