This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
