Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
