i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
