i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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