Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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