Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
