I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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