Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
