Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think my vagina is haunted
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
