we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
