I cockslap morals
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
