shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
