I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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