the new term for farting is butt boxing.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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