My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
