Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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