how can u be prego again
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
