I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
