Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
