I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
