I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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