i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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