I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
