drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
