$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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