Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
