i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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