I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
