So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
