can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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