Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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