haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
