He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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