hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
