Where is the hickey?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
