Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
