Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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