Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just pee around me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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