the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
