Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
