im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
