My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
