Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
