i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
