He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
