My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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