Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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